that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
And then he peed in my hair
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