I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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