It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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