I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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