; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
