Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Houston, we have a blender
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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