So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
