I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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