never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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