Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
