please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
