The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
