the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
