he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
