FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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