my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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