Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
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