You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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