i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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