The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
