I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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