Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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