Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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