I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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