you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
