i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
