I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
