he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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