she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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