my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
