Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
