A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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