first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
