Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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