Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
