He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
