True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
