***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
