fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
