i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
