is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
