I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
