Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
