i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
