fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
