Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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