I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
high people should be assigned attendants
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
