u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
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