We won't sleep together?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
