he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
