you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
