Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
