You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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