I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
