You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You need a sexual gate keeper
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
