And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
