It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
