I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
