dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
